Aliens...

let me ask u a question... wat comes to mind when i say aliens??? yes... aliens... no i'm not crazy... no i don't believe in it... and no.. I'm not a potato... haha... right... Aliens... do u really think they exist??? well... i for 1 will not believe that Aliens DO live among us in space... but some people do... and surprisingly... some of them actually think that its a creation of God himself... some even thinks that Aliens r actually havouring in space keeping an eye on us... or something like that... but since u don't believe it... neither do i... maybe this video might change the way we look at it....





a bit strange is it??? i don;t know whether there r such things out there or not.. i'll believe it when i c it... wat about u??? tell me wat u think??!!!

random...

ok.... wat do u get... when u have 2 man... sitting in the sidewalk... near a bench... drinking alcohol... all night???

well...

this....



haha...

the fact that people r more creative when their drunk leave me to no other perspective that... well.. their smarter when there drunk... i mean... who needs a bed??? right??? and who needs a house??? they can find shelter for themselves... i think when they wake up... they'll take a bottle of beer... and go hunting for nerds... i don;t know y nerds... so don't ask... anyhoos...they like there pretty comfortable sleeping under a bench and on 1... hahaha...

so... Bennet pui... Elisha lee... Jack... and all the people whole likes to party... espeacially these 3... i wont be suprise if i saw u people sleeping in the park bench... i might call the cops on u.. ^^... thk u....

so yeah.... remember... DRINK MORE ALCOHOL.... it WILL make u smart... hahah...

Loneliness...

wat do u c in this picture??

a person sitting alone???

a shadow of some1???

or for u creative people... just a picture...

but if u ask me... i c myself there.... its like i said before... surrounded with some many frenz... but u still feel lonely in the end... everytime i c this picture... i think of wat i've done in the past that made me this way... i feel so useless and so meaningless... from wat i c... i'm nothing....

i kept on thinking that i was created into this world to feel lonely... evey1 just leaving me behind... in school... in class... at home... nobody is always there when i needed them... and thats when i thought about a girlfren...

i thought it through and WAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING... i mean... i will never have a chance with women... becoz... well... my looks aren't as good as u think... to me... i admit it.... i'm ugly... i;m hedieos... there is nothing to look at... and to c that people... no... guys... with looks...they always have a better chance... without even doing anything... they just be themselves and boom... a girl starts drueling over them... to me... this is a kind of a sensitive issue... i always thought... "wat do they have that i don't???!!! OOoo... good looks..."

all of this is just unfair to me... i feel as if i am created to be alone in the world... to live my life alone... and to end it alone... i can imagine already that my funeral will be empty... huh...

u know... every night before i go to sleep... i think back on wat have i done in the past... find my 1st love=no.... get good grades=no... achieve my goals=no... then i thought back again... acting all tough and strong just to think that i actually did something useful in my life... but actually... i'm just a coward... who does nothing but act... a useless, lonely, coward...

so right now... i feel as if i found nothing in my life but me and my shodow... thats how i feel tonight...

how does it feel to be surrounded by frenz but u don't even know 1 of them??? how does it feel to have all the knowledge in the world but u can't use any of it??? how does it feel when u have all the money in the world but its worthless??? i'll tell u how it feels... u feel cooled and unwanted... u feel useless and meaningless... u feel like all your hardwork put up for nothing... I... for 1... FEEL's LOST...

there r many things that we do that never consider into the world... and most people would tell me to wake up from wat i'm in... to me... i'm already awake... to c that this is reality... i don't know wat to do... sometimes i feel that me existing in this life is a wrong thing for the God's to do... i'm not exactly a bad person... i don't steal.. i don't vandalise... i don't take drugs... i simply enjoy wat life has to offer... but neither am i a good person... i don't help the needy... i don't help the old... i simply live my own life where i can live in peace...

for 1 thing that i know... to be myslef is just not enuff... it seems that being myself surrounds me with frenz... but being myself or some 1 else can never get me a true frend who helps me when i need help... some1 to get me back up my feet when i fall... some1 who truly understands me... but i c now that all i have r just frenz... though i appreciate wat i have... but to c that myself alone with nothing... nothing but me and my shadow sitting together... is just... pethatic... i feel lost... i feel... ALONE...

DREAM!!!

Dreams... wat r they??? to me... there illusions of wat the heart desires... have u ever dream before??? huh... wat a i saying... of course u have... everybody is an equal right??? even the brainless can dream... no doubt about it... but have u ever wondered that maybe u can make your dream a reality??? well.. i have... in fact... i tried several times but my dreams where often ended up dead... every time my dreams dies... i change a new 1...

wat r my dreams really... at 1st wanted to be a celebrity chef... cooking all the food that i like and serving them to the people with a smile... to be on tv where some kid would watch me do a cooking show and follow my recepies...



i wanna be like these people... working hard in the kitchen ... make the food taste the best... wear 1 of those hat all them fancy chefs are wearin and make the world know who made these delicious foods... but... alas, this can only remain as a dream...

i knew that being a chef is impossible in my reality where my mom and dad would say (more to me mom), "there is no future for u in a chef... its so hard to be 1... u have to stand in frint of a hot stove everyday and stand the whole day and bla bla bla...." i didn;t catch the last part but the main thing is that my mom wouldn't let me be a chef... its not that i can't cook... i can cook... i cooked up some amzing stuff, ican tell u that... hahaha but my parents just wouldn't let this dream come true...

anyhoos... since my dream of being a well known chef could never happened... i took on another dream... to c the stars at a distent place... like space... to actually be in space where i can c the how the sun actually look like wiht my own to eyes... to c how the moon looks like... to c how the earth looks like... no more videos... no more pictures from the internet... i wanna c it with my own to eyes...

look at this photo... just look at it... though it is abit blur but look beyond the blur-ness... look at how vast the sky is... its limitless... don't u ever wonder wat its like to look on the mountain on the other side of this picture??? to c how beautiful the earth looks...

i've decide to change my dream to a reality... where i can c the world using my own to eyes... i promise myself that i will do that before i die... so thats y i've chosen to study astronomy... wat do think i should do to fufill my dreams???!!

betrayal

have u ever feel cold steel run through your body before??? a bullet? a steel pipe??? or maybe a KNIFE???!!! well... i have... and i guess that having that in me isn't as fun as it sounds or looks... but i don't mean it literally of course... i mean getting stab at the back... to ever call them brothers and they do nothing to appreciate the things u do... to call them best frenz when toy with u like your some kind of machine... to call them frenz when they do nothing to help u out...

for some reason... i keep on telling myself that being kind to other or at least be generous to them would be the right thing to do... and it is... its not about the thing u get in return... its just becoz its right... but... for all these years... i've done my part for my frenz and they did nothing for me... sure they treat me to a meal or 2... but still... they stab me in the back by doing nothing... i needed their to solve my problems... wat do they do?? nothing...

i'm sick of it... i'm sick of my life... i'm sick of having to call these people my frenz who stabs me in the back... and i'm sick of getting scolded for the things i didn't do... wat does the world has against me... living in a rich family when i can't share anything with the people i care most... maybe i'm just not meant to have frenz...

u know... i don't get it... if they were really my frenz... they would do wat they can to help me solve this problem... huh... but who was i kidding... i don't have frenz... i'm always alone in this world... i guess that god doesn't 1 me to have frenz... to live in the shadows forever... -.-...

romance in a dream

u know... i've been telling myself... will i ever find a girl??? and sometime.. i just let myself down and say "with how i look now, there's just no way your gonna find a girl!!!" but wat are the odds of that... a million to 1??? haha... but but that wat i'm about to tell u...

dear fellow readers,
as strange as this may be... i'm about to lead u to a world which u never seen before... a world where great things happen... a world where a the greatest unfold its beauty upon us... a world which i like to call it my mind... haha... just gonna tell u a dream i had i few days ago... ^^

well... this is how it started... i was at home doing nothing... then sudden;y i poped in a restaurant with the girls of my dreams... we were havin a candle light dinner and there was a guy playing a violin just for us... he played the night away as i bask at her beauty and how she looked that night... she was wearin a very very nice dress... white in color... and i wasn't sure about me... i guess i was to distracted by how she looked... after dinner... we went for a walk at the beach at night... the moon a round and bright and the starts was shining bright... it was as if we were suppose to be together that night...

so as we walk... our feet got tired... well... her feet got tired... so we sat at a bench that was facing the ocean... and as we sat down... i felt awkward becoz me and her weren't talking... its was strange... then out of no where... she touched my hand and leaned on my shoulder... she pulled my hand over her and put my hand around her shoulder... and of course... i felt more then awkward... i felt happy... never in my life i felt this happy...

as we sat there watching the moon shine upon us... she said to me in her sweet sweet voice " i had a wonderful night and i can believe i can spend this night with u"... i smiled and laughed a little... i told her something to... "u know wat?? this is my first time falling in love... and i can't believe that i can fall in love with u!!!" at that moment... i woke up... and straight away... i EMO!!!! -.-