Sick of it!!!

do u know wat i'm sick of??? i'm really sick of it... to think that i have tons of frenz and i did nothing to appreciate the thing they do... to say "live my life to the fullest" where i'm just fooling myself... to be a piece of nothing, a piece of dead weight to the world where nobody thinks i even exist... i sick of my life... sometimes i dream... yeah... even people like me dream... worthless piece of nothing dreams too... its just wonderful to dream... so wish that i can live in a dream and never wake up... but thats just a fantasy we all wish for... and we all know that wishes never come true becoz it doesn't even exist to begin with... its just a word that manipulates our minds believe that some would come true in a maricle... to fill nonsense in our mind... like hope and love and all these other bullshits.. but wat ever these things r... they seem to work work with our minds... even though we know that these r just words that means nothing... it still brings hope to our heads... well... most people... i for 1 never believe that wishes r true... everything we do in this world lies in the faith of our hands... but to know that u can never accomplish the things that u wish for... hurts deep within me... there r some moment that i just really 1 2 kill myself and start over... but wat good will that do... u tell me??!!

fear...

have u ever fear about something... well... everybody is affraid of something right???... even the toughest people in the world is affraid of something too... and to get rid if this fear, u have to face it... that way your fears would be affraid of u... but have u ever fear about something that u can't face... that's inevitable... somethng that going to happen... even if u try to stop it... it will still happen... have u??? well... i have... in fact... that's my greastest fear... 1 which can never be rid of... and that fear is losing my best fren....

i know that life has to go on and we all move on but to have something that u worked for years... just dissapears like that... the bond we have, the fun we had, laughs we had... all gone... a frend of mine is going off to japan... his a best fren that i had for a long time... longer then anybody i know... we play golf together when we were kids... we give each other company if we needed it... and we help each other when either one of us fall from walking on the path of life... but to know that your going to lose a fren which is that precious to u... it burns inside... sometimes i wish we shouldn't grow up... as days pass... new things seems to happen... and sometimes those things r hard to bare...

i'm guessing thats life... u lose 1 and gain another... but wat if i don't 1 2 lose 1... i want it there... i 1 2 have my best fren to come to birthday every year... i 1 my best fren to come to my wedding and be the best man... 1 want my best fren there so i can enjoy it with him and still have the laughs we use to have... but as we know... life is never fair... and we all have to face it....

i know this may sound abit weird but i consider my frenz more important then my wife in the future... and maybe sometimes more important then my family... without my best frenz... nobody is there to help me... nobody that i can talk to... freely... sometimes i'm affraid of talking to my parents about my problem becoz they can never understand the pain that i have...

i write this post becoz i want people to know that i have a frend who is like a brother to me... and losing him is like losing a limb... so who evers reading this post... keep your best fren as close as u can... cheerish it... becoz in the future... u never wat life will do to saperate u away from him or her...

kuala lumpur.... DAMIT...

well... welcome to kuala lumpur i'd say... u know y i say so???... coz i'm in kuala lumpur... and u know wat... i think i have this grude with kl... the 1st time i was here... it was like 2 years ago... i came here for vacation and i got food poisoning!!!! god damit.... and let me tell u... getting food poisoning ain't fun... u get headache 24/7... if u eat wrong u get stomachache... then u feel dizzy and vomit alot....

The 2nd time was last year... i went to kuala lumpur for a shopping celebration with me family... i got sick that time to... well... not exactly sick though... i went out for dinner with me dad and let me tell u... that dinner... it came in then came out the same way!!! geez... i mean... have u ever felt the food come back right out just after u finish??? DAMN... it ain't a pretty sight either... haha...

the 3rd time is today... actually it was yesterday... i was in the car playing with me teeth... like chomping on me awn teeth and all that... but all of a sudden i felt this sharp pain and i heard a crack sound in me teeth... i was like "waaatt the??"... a little push here and there... a tooth felt out... but not the whole thing... like a part of it... now i got like half of a tooth... well... not actually half... a quater of the tooth broke... so yea... KUALA LUMPUR... don't be suprise if u get nuked in the future!!!! ^^