Dear blog,

How r u today?? im doing fine thank u... haha... anyhoos... reason y i wrote on u today was to express how i feel today... actually i feel fine right now but today was a little bit disappointing... and a abit happy a few minutes ago...

Now, y do i feel disappointed today was that i had a dream and my dream was... well... postponed... but still it is a dream... my dream was to be on stage!!! singing to my hearts disire and i had that oppurtunity to live my dreams!!! but, alas!! my dream was crushed by me mother... well.. not exactly crushed tho... i don't feel that bad... just abit disappointed that she wouldn't let me go... thats all.. but still... i will have my chance... my reall dream is to end up singing for the American Idol!!! ^^... Hey... a person has to dream big right??? haha

Now, y was i happy a few minutes ago... a frend called and he was a little bit upset... so we talked abit on the phone... and i tried cheering him up... but that wasn't reason y i was happy... i was happy coz bigfoot came down and played checkers with me... haha... ok ok... the truth is... im happy coz he choose me instead of any1 else... wat i mean is that there is so many people in the world to choose from... and i can say i proud that he choose me to talk to... im really touched u know... either way... his the person i'd 1st turn to if i have any problems to... so.. i just wanna say that im happy to realise that i have a fren like him... tho i know this sounds abit unappropriated but i wanna show him how i appreciate a good frend he is.. but sometimes i don't really know how... hmm... o well... i firgure something out...

well... thats all for to day blog.. nothing much really.. nothing exciting is happening now adays... but still... better then all those emo times i have... haha... well.. thats all from me... CHEERS BLOG!!!

FROM, Sean.

I AM WORRIED!!!

i worry sometimes... about wat u ask?? about santa and his red nose raindear... haha... but seriously... for everytime i say im proud.. im actually worried.. worried that i would lose my best fren... and i know i should be proud... and i am.. at the same time worried...

when i was in high school... i had 5 best frenz... we do all sorts of silly stuff together.. but then 1 found a girlfren.. and he spend more time with her then us... but of course... we were happy for him that he found love... but at the same time we were worried that all he c was love!! eventually... he came back coz he got dumped and of course we were there to cheer him up... after all... we r still best of frenz..

And now its happenning all over again... but this time... its just the 2 of us... i mean... the 5 of us r still best of frenz but each went on our saperate ways... so yeah.. hmmm...

wat to do wat to do...

Some more extra info...

u know wat i come across today??? BIG FOOT.... AND E... FUCKIN... T.... (ET)... u know... the Extra Terrestrial... the alien with wrinkle on his body and... and places u really don't wanna find wrinkles at??!!... u still don know??? how about the alien who uses his magic finger to fix things??? (i wonder how he digs his nose... he would be like "ow damn... there's a big 1 in my nose"... BING!!! it become a basket)... haha... u still don't know??? hmm.. here... maybe this would refresh your memory!!!


okay... here it is... u remember him now??? if u don't... then BURN IN HELL!!! wait... that came out wrong... i mean... burn and... umm... ermm... er.... tell!!! yeah!!! burn and tell... thats it... okay.. now... moving on...


i saw him last week.... ET of course... with my bike!!! he stole my bike!!!! if u seen my bike flying across the moon in the sky... like this...


plz report to me!!! theres even a kid with... erm... it.... so plz!!! tell me if u c this in the sky!!! or anywhere else...

dear blog,

u know how everyday i get bored... well... i still do... the thing is... i always thought doing something... like for example... go to the gym, play some basketball, hang out and couple of more things... but whenever i thought of something to do... im always alone... nobody's there to accompany me... i mean.... u can do studd with any1 u know right?? but i mean... i wan go there to enjoy each others company... and maybe enjoy the sports a little... thats not the point... i mean... come on... wat kind of sports is enjoyed doing alone??? though i know we as humans need some alone time.. but come on... i need frenz to u know... well... i do have frenz... i guess the term was... A BROTHER.... u know... whenever im hungry... i can always rely on some 1 to accompany me... when im bored... i know where to go to kill some time... when i do something... there is always some 1 there doing something with me... u know... like a brother!!! hmmm...

i guess that losing a best frend to the opposite gender is something i just got to get use to... i mean... i should be proud of my frend getting a girl fren... and where am i these days??? alone... at home... doing nothing... if i wanna something... i'll have to do it alone... coz... i gues his just accupied with his bz life...

few years back... i've prayed... on my knees... yea... i do pray... continuing... on my knees... that i wish to make every1 around me to be as happy as they can be... even if it means that i have to suffer... as long as there happy... im still ok with it... i'll go to the end of the world to c them happy... and i guess my wish is coming true...

so to all of u out there whos reading this post... don't worry about me... as long as your happy... im happy for u...

from Sean.

My epic story!!!

yo ho ho me hartys!!! have at thee!!! sorry... i just trying to entertain myself... u know... speaking like a pirate... acting like 1 when nobody's around... -.-.... yeah... i know... im a sad boy lonely boy with no options... wat ever.... haih... but that doesn't matter... i just wanna share some of my story with u.... and this 1 is great.... (everything said here is true... nothing is fake... if u think its fake... i will kill u in your dream ^^)

its was 1956... when i was the captain of the submarine call "St' Balls"... i was the best workin submarine ever made!!! steamed driven actually... well... if u don;t believe me then take a look for yourself!!!



u see... i would never lie to u readers!!! i such a good person.... ooo... and down there.. the guy with the cool looking jacket... is my dad... he wanted to steal the submarine but i cought him red handed.... try and steal that!!!!



wat u c there r the toughest and meanest things in the world... u touch it and it goes wild on u... i meant the torpedoes... and those r my parents... they r the creators...



this here is the name of my crew... it was a long battle that day!!! these are the name of the people... who couragously.... came to my BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! wooh... that was 1 heck of a party... and it was in the sub... then we got attacked coz the driver got drunk and ram into a japanese battleship.... alooooooot of people died back then... but i survived by trading my life with this peice of candy!!!


see... see... its licurish (i think thats how its spelled)... the long... erm.. rubbery??? er... sweet??? oowww u get the point!!! haha... so there.... thats how i survived and made it till now... hope u enjoyed it!!! haha

weird...

u know wat... i come a cross alot of things lately... aliens... ghost... and even justin bieber hitting his head on a glass door... yes... as stupid as it may sound... he did hit his head on the door... evidently he needs to do something with them eyes...

now most of the things that i saw... the all from YOUTUBE... yea yea... i know... ugh... (everyones a critic)... but i say all of them r FAKE AND GAY!!!! put the is 1 thing tht i can't put my head on.... take a look at this vid....





now to me.... that thing looks like a star-fish... maybe it is... maybe it ain't... i mean... who knows wat the heck that is... haha... u tell me...

now that thing is not that creepy... i mean... it looks like a star-fish right??!! but wat abut this thing??? they say it looks like a hairless dog with beak and chicken fingers or some sort... check it out... ooo... and they call it the MONTAUK MONSTER coz it was found at the coast of montauk... which is a place...




but i don't know wat this is... y don't u tell me wat this thing is... if your correct... i'll give u a prize!!!!!

Where is the Love y'all??!!

A really good fren... heck... best fren told me a story this afternoon... i don't know whether this is confidential or anything but i promise i won't say his name out... he told me about wat happened last night... he said he went to visit a fren... and that fren is a girl... which i don't know who... anyhoo... he told me that they were outside of the girls house.... by her invatation of course... he told me that he refused her invite to many times... so y not just pay her a visit for the last time.... like i was saying... they were outside of the girls house.... talking, chatting, and wat not... and he told me that before he leaves... the girl request for a last good bye hug... and of course... as a gentleman... he kindly grants her request... after the hug... thing went abit wild... he told me that the girl started to lean forward and tried to make out with him... but as we all know... he was already taken... and he is still now... but of course... he knows that too... before the girl was able to land the kiss... he told her that they shouldn't be doing this... that it was bad for the both of them... and the girl stoped and retreated home by saying a quick good bye and a sad face...
he told me that he feels bad by not kissing her... i mean not granting wat she wants... but as a man... he kept his loyalty to his lover...

i realise something right after he told me that... i realise that the girl who he loves now... don't know how lucky she was.. no... IS... to have a boyfren like him... for the 1st time in my life... i've never seen such compation, honesty, loyalty to the one person that he loves... i realise that he was greatful to wat he has and wat he haves now... butin the other hand... i realised something else... wat about me??? y couldn't i feel wat he feels now??? y couldn't i feel inpoetant to somebody's life... someones waiting for him somewhere else... y can't someone be waiting for me???

For 19 years... i feel empty, though sometimes my frenz cheer me up... and when we share secrets like brothers do... i found out that i can never relate... my fren ask me a question right after he told me that story... he asked "how do u know when your really in love???"... i sat there... thinking... and i asked myself the same question... how do i know when i'm in love???... nothing... i felt empty... useless... like i couldn't contribute anything.... i realise that... i am just a pupet of man... and objected being used... and when their done with me... they'll just put me a side... hopeless...

But for 1 thing... i do a appreciate wat my frenz done for me... but in a point... i realise that i'm just like a tin man... i have no heart and i can never feel love.... to be honest... im just jealous... i've been saying this for more then 15 years... jealous... of all my frenz... and it maybe me realise that i can nver find love... even if i try....

DEAR BLOG,

i once heard that honesty is the best policy somewhere... i think i was in a place where everybody was forced to go and they stuffed us in a room around 50 people and we all couldn't leave and there was a person in front the room talking to himself which i... no... we didn't care... yea... i think it was him who said the honesty policy thing... haha...

well... i never really realize how that made me feel... untill today... to be honest... i wasn't being honest at all these couple of weeks... i wasn't honest to myself... i wasn't honest to my friends... i wasn't honest to the person i loved/like... either way... i just wasn't honest... i write here today... to brake all the lies that told... to me... to my frenz.. to every1... so hear me out...

in the past few weeks... i was sad, angry and confused... i hide all my feelings away in my heart untill i couldn't take it any more... i feel sad evey night before i sleep... kept telling myself y i couldn't do the things that every 1 could... and the answer i always tell myself is becoz i'm just not born with it... kept telling myself that i can do... i can do it this time... and in the end... i failed... always wondering y a i such a loser... and so on and so forth...

but this is where dishonesty come in handy... i hid my bad feeling from my family so they wouldn't worry about me... i hid them from my frenz so i wouldn't c them from becoz of me... well... also not to worry them too... and this is where a fool myself... giving myself hope for the impossible... truth is... all of this was a lie... every single 1 of it....

love sean.

Today...

Today is a sad day... i don't know y but it is... this morning i went for class... i was alone... i don't blame any1 for that... i intended it... but after class... i went to to cafeteria for some food... i saw no 1 that i knew... it was like i'm there for the very 1st time.... like i knew no 1... it was weird and sad... to know that there is so many people in that university... and your still lost within it... in addition... my depression haven't quite run off me yet... and to top it all of... i was at home till i heard my dad shouting... i thought it was becoz of the dogs and all that... till i open my room door... my dad and my mom was fighting... my dad shouted at her saying " i hated when your like that... GET AWAY FROM ME" and my mom shouted back " u SHIT U.. I TOLD U SO MANY TIMES..." then my dad slamed the door as he walk out....

i always hated when they fight... i can always imagine how my mom feels when she faught with my dad... pain and sorrow... anger and agression... but something in her kept her those feelings locked up... for so many years... i never knew i have to face this kind of day.... and let me tell u... its no fun going through wat i'm going through...

i know some people have worst days then this... but for a some1 like my age to suffer from this pain and sorrow... y let it happen???

Dear Blog,

Something happened that day... i confessed and i proposed... and some how i should be feeling quite happy and all that... but no... im not.... for some reason... every time i think of it... it makes me sad... am i not trying hard enuff??? no... i'm just not good enuff??? no... i don't know anymore... maybe i should give up doing wat i should do... maybe nobody wants me... u know.. i told myself that falling in love with a self centred girl would be impossible... but i found a girl who saw me from who i am inside... and still... i can't... uuuhhhh,,, nvm... maybe im just unwanted by the world... even when people see me for who i am in the inside... maybe im just not meant to have any1... to die alone in this stupid world...

u know... i always thought that 1 day... my faith will lead me to the girl who will see me for who i am inside and not for how i look outside... and i finally found her... she was really the piece to my heart... that final piece... that fits just right in my heart... but some how... i.... i don't know... maybe i wasn't good enuff for her... maybe i don't fit into her heart... maybe im just not her missing piece... maybe it was just not meant to be... i don;t know... i guess i'll never find out...

love Sean.

What happened...

Dear Blog,
I did wat needs to be done today... about the string thing... yeah... i pulled it all the way... and i found out that at the other end of it was... well... nothing... it breaks me to find nothing in the end... i fell into the darkness of my heart... feeling sorrow and pain... all together cramping my heart... i was depressed deeply... but i wasn't showing it... not to her of course... but i never blame her for that... i guess its just a stage in life... its like my dad use to say... " in life... sometimes we fail... its is the way of life... but as faiure proceeds... we gain knowledge" or in other words... by failing we learn... not failing... well... not so much...

When i fell into the dark... i stayed in the dark the whole time... till i found light that carried me up again... and that light was my frenz... they saved me from being a broken man... as i got rejected... i didn't feel that bad... so i have to say... thx man... for being there...

Dear God,
I guess u heard my prayer in the last post... u did break my heart but it wasn't that broken... i guess believing in u was just wrong... i always thought that u will always set my path in love.... i guess i way way wrong...

I don't get it... y do u still curse me... i believe in u... i had hope that she'd be the 1... but i was wrong to trust u... do u wish for me to live alone??? now i'm starting to doubt that your helping me or not... thought my heart be broken... so is my trust in u....

Love Sean.

love struck.

for some reason.... love got me hanging on by a thread... i don't know whether to keep pulling on it or cut it off or just keep hanging on it... sometimes i said to myself... maybe u keep pulling on it and 1 day u might get to the end... but the string isn't letting me get wat i 1... for a moment i pull on the string... it starts to break but its not breaking... sometimes the string pulls me up abit... encouraging me to find out wats on the end of the string...

my heart and my head is confused now... each saying a different thing.. my brain is saying that the string is not letting me have wat i 1... so i might as well just cut the string and forget everything... but my heart says otherwise... my hearts been telling me that i should find wats on the end of it... either way u may find nothing or something... at least u tried your best doing so... i don't know which to listen to.... my brain is telling me facts... but my heart is giving me hopes.... i'm confused...

Dear god,
Why do u curse me with this life... i have nothing on me that atracts women... i have no love life... i only have money but i don't 1 people loving me becoz of my money... i 1 2 experiences true love... but i have this feeling that i never will...

God, i only wish for 1 thing... even though it may not work out tomoro... plz have mercy on my heart... though it may be broken... but plz break it with ease....
love Sean.

u know wat... i never thought i'd say this but i think i'm in love.... for some weird reason... yes... me... i do fall in love... i am human to u know!!! haha... u know... i always told myself that love can never be rushed... when it come... it comes...

i seen alot of people rushing into relatioships... i don't know whether thats good or bad but i never bother about relationship at that time... huh... go figure... but i always told myself that in the future... time will set me up with some who is right for me... the ONE!!! well... i guess its my 1 and only huh??!! ^^... and i guess that time has come.... and now i don't even know i'm in love or not.... haha... funny isn't it... ^^... i had dreams about her... i sometimes day dream about her... and i even get distracted by her... so does that count as love??? haha

Now i know that u people might ask " who is she??!!" or "wats her name Sean???!!!" and "can u give me her facebook profile??!!!"... and my answers to those question r...... no telling u... not telling u... and NO.... all i can ask u is that i need your help... so help me put plz??!!! wat to do??!!! i have no clue... plz... tell me wat to do!!!!

Aliens...

let me ask u a question... wat comes to mind when i say aliens??? yes... aliens... no i'm not crazy... no i don't believe in it... and no.. I'm not a potato... haha... right... Aliens... do u really think they exist??? well... i for 1 will not believe that Aliens DO live among us in space... but some people do... and surprisingly... some of them actually think that its a creation of God himself... some even thinks that Aliens r actually havouring in space keeping an eye on us... or something like that... but since u don't believe it... neither do i... maybe this video might change the way we look at it....





a bit strange is it??? i don;t know whether there r such things out there or not.. i'll believe it when i c it... wat about u??? tell me wat u think??!!!

random...

ok.... wat do u get... when u have 2 man... sitting in the sidewalk... near a bench... drinking alcohol... all night???

well...

this....



haha...

the fact that people r more creative when their drunk leave me to no other perspective that... well.. their smarter when there drunk... i mean... who needs a bed??? right??? and who needs a house??? they can find shelter for themselves... i think when they wake up... they'll take a bottle of beer... and go hunting for nerds... i don;t know y nerds... so don't ask... anyhoos...they like there pretty comfortable sleeping under a bench and on 1... hahaha...

so... Bennet pui... Elisha lee... Jack... and all the people whole likes to party... espeacially these 3... i wont be suprise if i saw u people sleeping in the park bench... i might call the cops on u.. ^^... thk u....

so yeah.... remember... DRINK MORE ALCOHOL.... it WILL make u smart... hahah...

Loneliness...

wat do u c in this picture??

a person sitting alone???

a shadow of some1???

or for u creative people... just a picture...

but if u ask me... i c myself there.... its like i said before... surrounded with some many frenz... but u still feel lonely in the end... everytime i c this picture... i think of wat i've done in the past that made me this way... i feel so useless and so meaningless... from wat i c... i'm nothing....

i kept on thinking that i was created into this world to feel lonely... evey1 just leaving me behind... in school... in class... at home... nobody is always there when i needed them... and thats when i thought about a girlfren...

i thought it through and WAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING... i mean... i will never have a chance with women... becoz... well... my looks aren't as good as u think... to me... i admit it.... i'm ugly... i;m hedieos... there is nothing to look at... and to c that people... no... guys... with looks...they always have a better chance... without even doing anything... they just be themselves and boom... a girl starts drueling over them... to me... this is a kind of a sensitive issue... i always thought... "wat do they have that i don't???!!! OOoo... good looks..."

all of this is just unfair to me... i feel as if i am created to be alone in the world... to live my life alone... and to end it alone... i can imagine already that my funeral will be empty... huh...

u know... every night before i go to sleep... i think back on wat have i done in the past... find my 1st love=no.... get good grades=no... achieve my goals=no... then i thought back again... acting all tough and strong just to think that i actually did something useful in my life... but actually... i'm just a coward... who does nothing but act... a useless, lonely, coward...

so right now... i feel as if i found nothing in my life but me and my shodow... thats how i feel tonight...

how does it feel to be surrounded by frenz but u don't even know 1 of them??? how does it feel to have all the knowledge in the world but u can't use any of it??? how does it feel when u have all the money in the world but its worthless??? i'll tell u how it feels... u feel cooled and unwanted... u feel useless and meaningless... u feel like all your hardwork put up for nothing... I... for 1... FEEL's LOST...

there r many things that we do that never consider into the world... and most people would tell me to wake up from wat i'm in... to me... i'm already awake... to c that this is reality... i don't know wat to do... sometimes i feel that me existing in this life is a wrong thing for the God's to do... i'm not exactly a bad person... i don't steal.. i don't vandalise... i don't take drugs... i simply enjoy wat life has to offer... but neither am i a good person... i don't help the needy... i don't help the old... i simply live my own life where i can live in peace...

for 1 thing that i know... to be myslef is just not enuff... it seems that being myself surrounds me with frenz... but being myself or some 1 else can never get me a true frend who helps me when i need help... some1 to get me back up my feet when i fall... some1 who truly understands me... but i c now that all i have r just frenz... though i appreciate wat i have... but to c that myself alone with nothing... nothing but me and my shadow sitting together... is just... pethatic... i feel lost... i feel... ALONE...

DREAM!!!

Dreams... wat r they??? to me... there illusions of wat the heart desires... have u ever dream before??? huh... wat a i saying... of course u have... everybody is an equal right??? even the brainless can dream... no doubt about it... but have u ever wondered that maybe u can make your dream a reality??? well.. i have... in fact... i tried several times but my dreams where often ended up dead... every time my dreams dies... i change a new 1...

wat r my dreams really... at 1st wanted to be a celebrity chef... cooking all the food that i like and serving them to the people with a smile... to be on tv where some kid would watch me do a cooking show and follow my recepies...



i wanna be like these people... working hard in the kitchen ... make the food taste the best... wear 1 of those hat all them fancy chefs are wearin and make the world know who made these delicious foods... but... alas, this can only remain as a dream...

i knew that being a chef is impossible in my reality where my mom and dad would say (more to me mom), "there is no future for u in a chef... its so hard to be 1... u have to stand in frint of a hot stove everyday and stand the whole day and bla bla bla...." i didn;t catch the last part but the main thing is that my mom wouldn't let me be a chef... its not that i can't cook... i can cook... i cooked up some amzing stuff, ican tell u that... hahaha but my parents just wouldn't let this dream come true...

anyhoos... since my dream of being a well known chef could never happened... i took on another dream... to c the stars at a distent place... like space... to actually be in space where i can c the how the sun actually look like wiht my own to eyes... to c how the moon looks like... to c how the earth looks like... no more videos... no more pictures from the internet... i wanna c it with my own to eyes...

look at this photo... just look at it... though it is abit blur but look beyond the blur-ness... look at how vast the sky is... its limitless... don't u ever wonder wat its like to look on the mountain on the other side of this picture??? to c how beautiful the earth looks...

i've decide to change my dream to a reality... where i can c the world using my own to eyes... i promise myself that i will do that before i die... so thats y i've chosen to study astronomy... wat do think i should do to fufill my dreams???!!

betrayal

have u ever feel cold steel run through your body before??? a bullet? a steel pipe??? or maybe a KNIFE???!!! well... i have... and i guess that having that in me isn't as fun as it sounds or looks... but i don't mean it literally of course... i mean getting stab at the back... to ever call them brothers and they do nothing to appreciate the things u do... to call them best frenz when toy with u like your some kind of machine... to call them frenz when they do nothing to help u out...

for some reason... i keep on telling myself that being kind to other or at least be generous to them would be the right thing to do... and it is... its not about the thing u get in return... its just becoz its right... but... for all these years... i've done my part for my frenz and they did nothing for me... sure they treat me to a meal or 2... but still... they stab me in the back by doing nothing... i needed their to solve my problems... wat do they do?? nothing...

i'm sick of it... i'm sick of my life... i'm sick of having to call these people my frenz who stabs me in the back... and i'm sick of getting scolded for the things i didn't do... wat does the world has against me... living in a rich family when i can't share anything with the people i care most... maybe i'm just not meant to have frenz...

u know... i don't get it... if they were really my frenz... they would do wat they can to help me solve this problem... huh... but who was i kidding... i don't have frenz... i'm always alone in this world... i guess that god doesn't 1 me to have frenz... to live in the shadows forever... -.-...

romance in a dream

u know... i've been telling myself... will i ever find a girl??? and sometime.. i just let myself down and say "with how i look now, there's just no way your gonna find a girl!!!" but wat are the odds of that... a million to 1??? haha... but but that wat i'm about to tell u...

dear fellow readers,
as strange as this may be... i'm about to lead u to a world which u never seen before... a world where great things happen... a world where a the greatest unfold its beauty upon us... a world which i like to call it my mind... haha... just gonna tell u a dream i had i few days ago... ^^

well... this is how it started... i was at home doing nothing... then sudden;y i poped in a restaurant with the girls of my dreams... we were havin a candle light dinner and there was a guy playing a violin just for us... he played the night away as i bask at her beauty and how she looked that night... she was wearin a very very nice dress... white in color... and i wasn't sure about me... i guess i was to distracted by how she looked... after dinner... we went for a walk at the beach at night... the moon a round and bright and the starts was shining bright... it was as if we were suppose to be together that night...

so as we walk... our feet got tired... well... her feet got tired... so we sat at a bench that was facing the ocean... and as we sat down... i felt awkward becoz me and her weren't talking... its was strange... then out of no where... she touched my hand and leaned on my shoulder... she pulled my hand over her and put my hand around her shoulder... and of course... i felt more then awkward... i felt happy... never in my life i felt this happy...

as we sat there watching the moon shine upon us... she said to me in her sweet sweet voice " i had a wonderful night and i can believe i can spend this night with u"... i smiled and laughed a little... i told her something to... "u know wat?? this is my first time falling in love... and i can't believe that i can fall in love with u!!!" at that moment... i woke up... and straight away... i EMO!!!! -.-

Sick of it!!!

do u know wat i'm sick of??? i'm really sick of it... to think that i have tons of frenz and i did nothing to appreciate the thing they do... to say "live my life to the fullest" where i'm just fooling myself... to be a piece of nothing, a piece of dead weight to the world where nobody thinks i even exist... i sick of my life... sometimes i dream... yeah... even people like me dream... worthless piece of nothing dreams too... its just wonderful to dream... so wish that i can live in a dream and never wake up... but thats just a fantasy we all wish for... and we all know that wishes never come true becoz it doesn't even exist to begin with... its just a word that manipulates our minds believe that some would come true in a maricle... to fill nonsense in our mind... like hope and love and all these other bullshits.. but wat ever these things r... they seem to work work with our minds... even though we know that these r just words that means nothing... it still brings hope to our heads... well... most people... i for 1 never believe that wishes r true... everything we do in this world lies in the faith of our hands... but to know that u can never accomplish the things that u wish for... hurts deep within me... there r some moment that i just really 1 2 kill myself and start over... but wat good will that do... u tell me??!!

fear...

have u ever fear about something... well... everybody is affraid of something right???... even the toughest people in the world is affraid of something too... and to get rid if this fear, u have to face it... that way your fears would be affraid of u... but have u ever fear about something that u can't face... that's inevitable... somethng that going to happen... even if u try to stop it... it will still happen... have u??? well... i have... in fact... that's my greastest fear... 1 which can never be rid of... and that fear is losing my best fren....

i know that life has to go on and we all move on but to have something that u worked for years... just dissapears like that... the bond we have, the fun we had, laughs we had... all gone... a frend of mine is going off to japan... his a best fren that i had for a long time... longer then anybody i know... we play golf together when we were kids... we give each other company if we needed it... and we help each other when either one of us fall from walking on the path of life... but to know that your going to lose a fren which is that precious to u... it burns inside... sometimes i wish we shouldn't grow up... as days pass... new things seems to happen... and sometimes those things r hard to bare...

i'm guessing thats life... u lose 1 and gain another... but wat if i don't 1 2 lose 1... i want it there... i 1 2 have my best fren to come to birthday every year... i 1 my best fren to come to my wedding and be the best man... 1 want my best fren there so i can enjoy it with him and still have the laughs we use to have... but as we know... life is never fair... and we all have to face it....

i know this may sound abit weird but i consider my frenz more important then my wife in the future... and maybe sometimes more important then my family... without my best frenz... nobody is there to help me... nobody that i can talk to... freely... sometimes i'm affraid of talking to my parents about my problem becoz they can never understand the pain that i have...

i write this post becoz i want people to know that i have a frend who is like a brother to me... and losing him is like losing a limb... so who evers reading this post... keep your best fren as close as u can... cheerish it... becoz in the future... u never wat life will do to saperate u away from him or her...

kuala lumpur.... DAMIT...

well... welcome to kuala lumpur i'd say... u know y i say so???... coz i'm in kuala lumpur... and u know wat... i think i have this grude with kl... the 1st time i was here... it was like 2 years ago... i came here for vacation and i got food poisoning!!!! god damit.... and let me tell u... getting food poisoning ain't fun... u get headache 24/7... if u eat wrong u get stomachache... then u feel dizzy and vomit alot....

The 2nd time was last year... i went to kuala lumpur for a shopping celebration with me family... i got sick that time to... well... not exactly sick though... i went out for dinner with me dad and let me tell u... that dinner... it came in then came out the same way!!! geez... i mean... have u ever felt the food come back right out just after u finish??? DAMN... it ain't a pretty sight either... haha...

the 3rd time is today... actually it was yesterday... i was in the car playing with me teeth... like chomping on me awn teeth and all that... but all of a sudden i felt this sharp pain and i heard a crack sound in me teeth... i was like "waaatt the??"... a little push here and there... a tooth felt out... but not the whole thing... like a part of it... now i got like half of a tooth... well... not actually half... a quater of the tooth broke... so yea... KUALA LUMPUR... don't be suprise if u get nuked in the future!!!! ^^