A really good fren... heck... best fren told me a story this afternoon... i don't know whether this is confidential or anything but i promise i won't say his name out... he told me about wat happened last night... he said he went to visit a fren... and that fren is a girl... which i don't know who... anyhoo... he told me that they were outside of the girls house.... by her invatation of course... he told me that he refused her invite to many times... so y not just pay her a visit for the last time.... like i was saying... they were outside of the girls house.... talking, chatting, and wat not... and he told me that before he leaves... the girl request for a last good bye hug... and of course... as a gentleman... he kindly grants her request... after the hug... thing went abit wild... he told me that the girl started to lean forward and tried to make out with him... but as we all know... he was already taken... and he is still now... but of course... he knows that too... before the girl was able to land the kiss... he told her that they shouldn't be doing this... that it was bad for the both of them... and the girl stoped and retreated home by saying a quick good bye and a sad face...
he told me that he feels bad by not kissing her... i mean not granting wat she wants... but as a man... he kept his loyalty to his lover...
i realise something right after he told me that... i realise that the girl who he loves now... don't know how lucky she was.. no... IS... to have a boyfren like him... for the 1st time in my life... i've never seen such compation, honesty, loyalty to the one person that he loves... i realise that he was greatful to wat he has and wat he haves now... butin the other hand... i realised something else... wat about me??? y couldn't i feel wat he feels now??? y couldn't i feel inpoetant to somebody's life... someones waiting for him somewhere else... y can't someone be waiting for me???
For 19 years... i feel empty, though sometimes my frenz cheer me up... and when we share secrets like brothers do... i found out that i can never relate... my fren ask me a question right after he told me that story... he asked "how do u know when your really in love???"... i sat there... thinking... and i asked myself the same question... how do i know when i'm in love???... nothing... i felt empty... useless... like i couldn't contribute anything.... i realise that... i am just a pupet of man... and objected being used... and when their done with me... they'll just put me a side... hopeless...
But for 1 thing... i do a appreciate wat my frenz done for me... but in a point... i realise that i'm just like a tin man... i have no heart and i can never feel love.... to be honest... im just jealous... i've been saying this for more then 15 years... jealous... of all my frenz... and it maybe me realise that i can nver find love... even if i try....
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