how???

These few days have been... well... boring but... thats the best time for u to think about stuff that u never thought of.... take me for example.... yesterday was a boring day... couldn't do anything... so i was just downstairs sittin there and thinking about some thing which i never thought of.... just starin into space... just like that... lol... which brings me to my topic... "how???"... wow... i'm like promoting a book or something.... haha... anyhoos... i thought of a lot of stuff before and yesterday i thought about something that actually hit me on the head... u know wat i mean... i thought how... how do i win a girls heart... when i was in form 4... i had this crush on this girl... i didn't know who she was untill we had tuition together at the same place... from then on... she starts to know i exists in this world... abit later... i get abit closer to her... i mean as frenz... nothing else... not best frez... just frenz.... got it...

A year past and we were still in the same tuition... slowly i had this weird feeling about her... the way she laugh is always in my head... her kindness towards people touches my heart... and to boot, she has some sarcasm too... lol... the thing is... i couldn't get her out of my head... the creepy part is sometimes i dream about her.... wooow... so... u know... i tried being me... maybe its just a feeling... nothing else... i kept telling myself its just a feeling, i don't love her... but everytime she passes through the hall way and walked through my class... she would wave to me and put on the sweetest smile ever!!! everytime she passes by me or my class... she would wave her hand and smiled like an angel.... i couldn't believe wat i was tellin myself... but in the end... i admit that i had a little crush on her... the moment that i admit to myself was near to her birthday... so i asked her wat will she do on her birthday??? and she said nothing... i was shocked to c that a girl like her would do nothing on her birthday... so... why not i do something for her.... me and my tuition teacher talked it out and some of my frenz too... i baught a cake and threw a small celebration for her... consider it my present for her... i was so embarressed that time... i was blushing all over my face and i tried to keep it cool... acting all polite and all that... helping her do everything... help her cut the cake... give out the cake and all that... inthe end she said that it was her very 1st cake in her birthday... so i don't know whether thats a good thing or not but that not the point... after that i sent some flower and a box of chocolate for her on valentimes... and i visited her shop just so i can talk to her... but no matter wat i just couldn't win her heart... i just don't know y!!!! maybe i did something wrong... maybe i don look good... i don't know... i need your help... i really do... some one please????

ooo... and the info on facebook saying that i was in a realationship was fake... just wanted to c how u would react if i posted that out!!!! ^^ cheers!!

wow... lonely experience...

u know wat i've done today??? nothing bad i can assure u!!! lol..... anyhoos... i woke up in the morning doing nothing... my parents went out for golf and i was alone at home... don't worry... i'm always alone at home... but thats not the point... they went off and i haven't had my breakfast yet and it was already 11 a.m... so... i cooked up a packet of megi mee and ate it myself... after that i went upstairs and took a shower!!! went i walked out of bathroom... i thought to myself... "wat the heck should i do today???"... i cant do any sports today becoz the only car left was the mercedez and NO... i'm not a allowed to use the merc for any sports transportation coz i'll get all sweaty and stink up the car!!! so the only thing to do is to take the merc for a spin in the town and no... not spin as in 1 spot!!! lol... SO... as i get ready to go out... i called up some frenz... u know wat happened... i got shunt... well not exactly shunt per say... they were all bz and as i thought longer... some of them ain't in miri... haih... soooo... i went out to boulevard alone... with nobody else... only mua... lol... then i went to parkson ALONE... but i didn't went in coz it was crowded with cars... but when i was in boulevard... ALONE!!!!... haha... i thought to MYSELF... "this is the perfect time to have a girlfren"... but wat was i thinking right??? a person like me get a girlfren??? haaaaaah!!!! i need like a hundred years to get a girl to notice me... well.. maybe i'm abit exaggerating but u get the point right??!! well... just wanna say that today was the loneliest day i ever experience... haha...

yummm... thinking of it make me drool!!!

u know wat... people do stuff in there free time.. like ride bicycles in the park... gardening... maybe even do some flirting for i know... but for me... i like cook... yea yea... i know its sisi stuff... but who cares!!!! wat matters is that i like doing it.. ^^... and yea... this explains my size... haha... but... i don't always have free time and ingredients requiere money and thats wat i don't have recently... but i like today dream alot... no... not about girls... about food... haha

it may work u know... just think about it...

deep fried mash patatoes with spicy deep...

raosted ham with red wine sauce....

and for dessert... up-side-down appricot caramel pie!!!!

or...

ice-cream merrang kek...

or...

chocolate chip tart!!!!

damn... just thinking about all this is making drool.... but of course... this won't be cheap... i mean... i made a dinner once... for 6... and it cost me rm150 for the things i don't have...

i did me moms special... patatoes and anchovies...

slow roast chicken wrapped in bacon...

and chocolate covered ice-cream...

that cost me 150 man!!! woooh... and now i'm broke... haha... well... hope i can afford the next meal!!! lol

lonely... i am so lonely...

well... wat can i say... nothing to do but to just stair at the screen of my lap top and the screen of me tv... i can't find any1 to talk to or to play with or to just have a tea break with... since my brother left to perth... its been abit quiet in the house... only me, me mom and me dad... thats all... ooo and me maid... bt u know how it is... being alone at home... wat about my parents u ask me??? well... they don't exactly know wat i 1 and want i enjoy... i wanna have back that feeling that i can talk freely with my brother about any topic i choose... he would help me and i would help him... although we help each other by talking crap all the time but u get wat i mean right???... now around my parents... they have rules that need to be followed when talking to them... i can say wat i want in front of them... i can argue freely with them.. i have to respect in wat the say and all that... its not that i don't want that... its just that i feel so isolated talking to them... o well... wat to do... nothing but to sit at home and grow mushrooms for this coming holidays!!! lol

Feeling Better

i had this emotional thing happened to me lately... for some reason... i felt so left out in this world... its like i'm the only 1 living it... no... let me rephrase... it like i don't even exist... surrounded by frenz... but i still feel so lonely... just the other day.... i put out a post saying that i was jealous and all that... asking for help from the good people i know... and it came through... a fren told me that wat i'm jealous about it pretty common... jealous about y people are born a hell lot better then me... she said that everybody feels jealous sometime too... she also said that theres nothing for me to get upset about... as i stood there reading was she said... it came to my mind... "she right... life isn't fair..." i've been telling my whole life this the life just ain't fair... for a moment there... i forgetten all about it... she made me realise that there is really nothing for me to get upset about... that jealousy of the well being is just part of life... not only that but she made me realise that i could change the world if i wanted to... it all depends on wat i do... i realise that now... how can i not realise that sooner... how naive of me!!!... but so far... not matter how many times i say that... "life ain't fair!!" in my heart andin my thoughts... i still have that feeling... maybe it becoz im just lonely... maybe its becoz i got nothing to do all this while... i've been shunt away by fren several time now... asking them out but they have plans... nobody ever looks for me... i'm no 1... i'm just a fren of a fren... well... wat can i say... life just ain't fair...

Why I'm jealous!!!

i put out a post before saying that i wouldn't say anything emotional and all that but i guess i just have to type this out... i'm in need of desperate help... frenz, family, and even my best frenz!!! this post is mainly about wat i'm jealous about...

have u ever heard of the saying "some people are born with talent, but everybody has talents that needs to be found..." well i'll say, that saying can be applied it wat i'm about to say... like the phrase "some people are born wtih talent..." i'm referring to the people who r born attractive... these people r wat i'm jealous of...

in my experience... i've seen my frenz do absolutely nothing and people starts to get close to him... how??? i don't know... today a played around of golf and i c a girls taking his phone number from out of no where... another frenz that has tons of frenz which r girls... its easy for them to make frenz with girls, i think its becoz that girls want to be with him... there's nothing that stand in their way... he has character, personality, and the most important... looks... do u know wat i was abit pissed off about... when we were playing golf... his phone kept on ringing of text msgs... thats not wat pisses me off... wat pissed me off is that all of the msgs are from girls... from that moment... i kept on thinking.... "we can i be born like him!!!" i mean look at me... i'm nothing!!!! i'm fat... unattractive... from far, i look like an old man... HECK a kid even thought that i was an uncle playing golf!!!... i met a fren at the basketball court and he ask me to accompany him to buy some drinks... all of a sudden he asked me "so... u working for which company?" how pethetic is that???!!!... i look old and fat... some people even say i look like a gangster... sign...

i need help... NO, advice from people out there... wat can i do to rid myself off this jealousy... to find that talent thats inside me... wat???!!!!